With Love,

To all the friends I’ve lost touch with…

Adulting is hard! Harder than they make it seem, much harder than they make us believe. And while being wrapped up in this crazy haze that is life today and amidst the growing pains, I’ve lost touch with you.

Remember the good old times when we used to be so close, inseparable in some cases. In those moments I never thought even for a split second that time would bring us to this point. A point where we merely message each other on our birthdays and sometimes not even that.

It’s no one’s fault! It’s just how life is!

Once in a while, we sit back and think back of the times gone by, and the memories come gushing in. Memories of you and of the times we spent together and the laughter we shared. And I can feel a warmth fill my heart and a small yet significant smile creep up on me.

Don’t you miss those moments we remember so fondly now, moments of pure joy spent together. Countless hours spent in each other’s company, innocently thinking it’ll last forever.

They say if you really want to stay connected you make time!. But the reality is that in this fast pace day and age, it’s not as easily said than done. Each and every one of us are caught up in our own web, trying and at times struggling to keep ourselves afloat. None of us meant to go away or shut anyone away, certainly I didn’t. We grew up and at the same time Life just happened.

 Life works in mysterious ways don’t you think? It brought us together but also sent us on different paths, different quests, sending us away from each other.

But don’t you dare ever even for second think that I fell out of love with you!!  Don’t you dare think I stopped caring! Because none of us did!

So in my own tiny way I want to send this message to all that I’ve lost touch with ..I love you!!

Limits.

“Limits are the white boring lines on an otherwise colorful canvas”

 

Growing up as a girl,

I’ve been always told that there are limits.

Limits to my dreams, limits to my desires.

Some dreams would be too colorful and some beyond the conventional lines.

The voices keep screaming,

Some mountains are too high to climb.

Some rivers too wide to cross.

Some seas too deep to dive.

And some roads to long to walk.

Limits on this and limits on that.

Limits dictating, from dusk till the end.

Life becomes a butterfly wrapped in the deadly grip of a web.

Dream high but only so much!

Shoot for the stars but only the ones inside the invisible line!

These limits are the obscure glass ceiling that stops us from going beyond.

They tell you with cheering voices to go far and beyond, as your heart desires!

But they keep forgetting to tell you about the leash they have on you.

Summoned, whenever they think you are too much for them to handle.

With time the lines get blurred and more and more entangled.

Metamorphosing in to a choking hazard of a new kind.

 

Sometimes, just sometimes

There are the lucky butterflies.

The once who decide to spread their wings.

The once who decide it’s time to fly.

To break the limits, to shatter the glass.

The once who muster the courage to fly,

Fly to the distance,

Away from all the limits and lines,

Where flowers grow, and the meadows smell like dreams.

 

Yet the voices will still keep telling you that limits are there for a reason.

Little did they know, for this butterfly the reason was simply to “Defy”

Oh Juliet!!

Travel Partner it Right!!

 

Finding a travel partner may seem like the easiest of things to do on the list of “What to do” of travel. But finding the “Right” travel partner, well that’s a completely different story!

Whether by choice or by fate, in most instances we end up traveling with a partner or a group of individuals. And in these moments who you choose to travel with can alter your experience in ways that you never thought it would. Our travel buddies have the power to make or break “travel” for us, they can ether help us fall in love with travelling or make us wish we were back home, far away from all the drama that is brewing.

By experience I can tell you that finding the perfect travel partner is nothing but a fairy tale, there will always be things about this person that don’t sit well with you. Things that you saw as regular about your partner in other scenarios, you might find it to be annoying while on the road. Even the best of friend might start to butt heads when thrown in to a different setting, and travelling means a change in your backdrop every few seconds. So choosing your partner in crime wisely is as important as choosing the destination itself.

Same vibes

Whether you believe it or not vibes matter. You and your travel partner needs to be on the same wave length in order to make it out without any storms brewing. So choose wisely my friend!!

Less of an Ego can Take You a Long Way

Human ego is without a doubt the main culprit in every sour situation. So let’s tone it down shall we! Traveling together is a two way street, tone down the ego and be open to the wishes and needs of your partner/s too. If both sides follow this rule of thumb you’re in for a treat.

Chuck the Expectations

There are many expectations to be met with while traveling with others. Whether it’s related to what your good at or dare I say related to gender roles. There are certain roles that others demand of you even without saying it in words. Be alert to the small hints and gaps that need your attention. Do what you think should be done from your side but don’t keep any expectations. At the end of the day you and your buddies are on vacation!! Just let them be and let yourself relax as well.

Budget Buddies

One of the most important points that you should look out for is that both of you should agree on a similar if not the same budget. Clashes on money are never a pretty scene! Plan. Discuss. Get your budget straight!

Safe vs. Adrenaline Shots

While traveling some like to take the more adrenaline pumped challenges while others like the “let me make it out with my limbs still attached” way. Make your travel plans to cater to both ends of the spectrum if needed and include a few activities that all of you might enjoy together, so that you won’t miss out on the bonding.

Art museum vs. loud clubs

Different people have different agendas while travelling. Some like the calm down version of travel while others like the more “lean towards crazy” version. Again two ends of the same spectrum. Cater to both ends or give each other time to explore these desires on your own. And open your heart to trying out what is unusual for you. You never know you might develop a liking for the “unusual”!

Got Stamina?

No two people are on the same page when it comes to their physical activity levels. So be mindful of this when planning “What to dos” on your itinerary. But don’t hinder yourself from experiencing what your heart desires. And if its required, use your alone time in these times of need.

Comfy Cozy vs. Roughing it Out

Whether it’s choosing where you spend your nights or your mode of transportation you and your buddy/s may not think alike. Some prefer the joys of a hostel while others the comforts of a high end hotel and some prefer taking the public transport while others a personal vehicle- small but crucial parts of travel.  So before you venture out on your adventure make sure to have a conversation and let them know what you’re looking for in this experience. Learn about what they prefer and work it out in a way that both parties are happy.

Fancy Food vs. Street Food

When it comes down to your budget and taste buds, make room for both ends. What you got to loose eh?

Touristy Route vs. Local Way

This is one of the biggest problems I face when traveling with a group of people. I’ve always been a sucker for ditching the touristy route and exploring a city in a more local, authentic way (more on that later!) But this is not what most others prefer and let’s just say I’ve had my share of “Bad experiences” over this. When thrown in to such a situation you can ether find a middle path where you both are happy or go back to some alone time.

Nocturnal vs. Early Bird

Some of us are early birds while others have a more nocturnal style. This may be a huge problem if two people from these two sides travel together. Remedy- Have a conversation.

Spontaneous vs. planned to the T

Some of us love to do things spontaneously while some are only comfortable when things are planned to the T. Nether methods are wrong but when two people with these two different opinions clash- not a great sight! If your partner is someone who likes to plan the small things.

 

While “solo” is the way for many, a good travel partner to share the shades of travel is always fun and can add much more zest to your experience. But it’s always good to brace yourself for the worst when coupling up. One thing you need to bear in mind is that no one is perfect, we all have those little habits and ways that may not be a picnic for others. Improving yourself as a good travel partner is the first step in achieving the fairytale of coming back home without a single fight.

Until next time,

Choose wisely and travel safely.

Just a smile

Sometimes along life’s winding road you meet people who change your life forever, change how you perceive life, change the way you act and even challenge your power of reasoning. It could be someone you have known your entire life, it could be someone you just met or even someone you just pass on the road.  A life changing encounter can happen anywhere at any moment, it’s just a matter of whether your heart is open to accepting it.

This is the tale of how a fellow human changed how I look at life in a matter of seconds, how a Hijra lady changed my outlook on how I should live and how she inspired me to be a better version of me, a better human being.

For those who don’t know about the Hijra community, they are the third gender of India. If you are a traveler in India there is a good chance you will come across them on a train. There are small clans of ladies who get on trains at random stops and swipe through the train asking for money in return for blessings, and when you don’t they tend get a bit aggressive. Even though they have been legally identified as the third gender and has been granted many rights (legally), till date they do have to face a lot of discrimination and ill treatment from the society they live in.

The first time I met a Hijra lady was when I was 7 years old, on a train form Chennai to Agra. At that age I shamefully admit that I was scared of her, simply based on the fact that,  for a girl of 7 who lived a life filled with unicorns, butterflies and parental problems I found her to be a little too aggressive for my comfort. Thereafter for the next 3 years during which I traveled constantly up and down the great Indian railway, I got accustomed to the presence of Hijra ladies but I was still scared and intimidated by them.

When I came back to India in my teens, again I had numerous encounters whether it was on the train, road or at a shop. I realized that the younger me was slightly wrong, most of them were not aggressive just a bit pushy to the normal liking, and most of them are displaying these traits because of the image and situation that the society itself has created for them.

I would see them all dressed up, laughing, singing, doing all the normal thing we all do but with a flair of confidence that was just a dream for me. I was intrigued, curious, so as the “Curious me” would always do I started reading about the community in hope to better understand them. And I was fascinated by the history they are linked to, but at the same time devastated to learn how much discrimination these fellow humans have to bear on a daily basis.

That’s when I started to observe them more closely out of curiosity, and what I saw in real life was even more heart breaking. I saw how people would treat them in trains (way to go 7 yr old me!) or on the road. I listen to people talk about them with a tone of fear in their voice, saw how people would ignore them in the most brutal way possible, I listen to people telling me not to engage, I listen to people telling me how they can grant blessings and curses and why I should keep my distance, I saw people twitching when they walked by.. I saw the discrimination, I saw the labeling, I saw it firsthand. The treatment most of them got in public was one such that no human should ever go through. I wondered how they bear all this, I wondered how they go by their day with all this negativity following them.

All my questions were about to be answered on another ordinary train ride..

I remember the moment I saw her on the train, she was beautiful in her own way. Her ways demanded attention. She was but another passenger but she had such a vibrant air to herself, the way she carried herself with so much proudness. She had this smile on her face that showed how happy she was with herself, she looked content, she was happy on her own feet..

At one point she got up to go towards the door, and on her way she bumped in to another Indian lady accidentally (The jolting and bolting of the train was the culprit). Everything happened in a matter of second, how the other lady looked at her with eyes filled with anger, disgust and fear and how she pushed the lady away in an inhuman way, so much hate and anger displayed in such a short time. In all the chaos what registered in my mind most was the fact that the Hijra lady didn’t lose her smile ever for a second. She had that smile plastered on her face as if to give a silent answer to the ignorant humans around her.

Her simple smile was a statement of courage, love for self and her ability to mute the ignorant around her. A lesson that most of us need a 101 class on. Its not easy to learn how to stand your ground when your swarmed with ignorance nor is it easy to love yourself and keep that smile alive when you’re judged each passing moment, but she knew how to and she showed me that it’s possible. And in that moment I learned that I have the power to resist reacting to everything that happens around me – A simple lesson that changed my perception of life for the better in an instance!

 

It’s okay to “Not Belong” ?

Humans are by definition, a group of social creatures. We thrive with human interactions, we crave for the conversations, the bonds and the feeling of “I belong”.

This feeling of wanting to belong, to be a part of and to be liked is embedded in our genes. However much one may say otherwise this is a fundamental fact that no one can deny. This feeling is one crucial feature that makes us human. It is the base on which many mighty civilizations were built and which has propelled us to where we are today.

But once in awhile along the path of life we may be thrown head first in to situations where we simply don’t belong. whether it is in society, at school, at work or among a group of friends we just might not feel like we are a part. This is one of the most complex of human emotions. The feeling of not belonging aids in the manifestation of the need to belong.  Intense yet sensitive, a craving that comes from within.

But the truth is that in some instances, even when all factor point towards the need to belong its okay to not  belong, especially if belonging means the demise of ourselves and who we are. Then it’s okay to stand alone.

I know its easily said than done, i know the feeling of wanting to be a part of a group, of a internal joke, or a simple conversation is difficult, the feeling of being left out is not a pleasant one in any form. This thread of human emotions are a scary thing to experience irrespective of your gender, age or any social factors. In fear of facing these demons so to say,  we tend to grasp for every straw of chance to entertain these bonds without realizing that every bond is not healthy for us.

It’s funny how we always focus our energy on the things we don’t have rather than what we do. We might have strong and stable bonds with others but still only focus and attract a heap of negative energy from the bonds we don’t have. We exercise so much energy to mend these so called “important relationships” in hopes that we will belong, that we get blinded to the outcome. In the process of “mending”, we  constantly surrounded ourselves  by souls that hinder us from being who we truly are, from reaching our highest potential, or simply break the calmness of our mind making it easy to fall pray to loosing small yet important parts of you.

some rather toxic relationships can change us drastically, drift us far away from our true self to the point of no return.  Especially when the intense feeling of not belong hits you, the intensity of it drives you to act against you will. You will be pushed, even without your knowledge to act against the things you believe in, push you to second judge your self and your values, makes you in to a slave of  pleasing others and in turn loose your self value.

As I’ve said before “it’s easily said than done”. But if you try to see it clearly you will realize that its okay to not belong. That letting go of those strings you tightly weave around your heart suffocating it emotionally is okay. And that being alone is far better than loosing small yet important parts of you.

If you do open your heart you will realize that at the end of the day what matters the most is that you remain true to yourself and whether you feel content with how you turned out to be.

So it is okay not to belong, when “belong” means loosing you…

Perfect Strangers

I’m sure at least a few travel addicts out there have thought of the possibility of finding true love while traveling. The mere thought of an encounter with your soul mate while in a foreign country is exciting! Sound cliché I know, but it is.

I came across an article somewhere about stories of people finding their one true love while traveling. Some of those stories are just like something out of a fairy tale, ending on a happy note and some not so fortunate. It was intriguing to read about the possibility of falling in love on the road which sound so magical and exciting !!

See I’m an inborn romantic (I don’t tell this to anyone nor do I show it but I am 😛 ) and since I am a crazy travel person, reading this article has got me thinking is it even possible?

The people you meet while traveling are raw to the core (or I would like to believe)- the good the bad and the ugly all true. I would like to believe that travel brings out our true self that is usually under a rock while living our normal sedentary life.  Every part of us that is hidden, the adventurous side, the crazy side, the romantic side, the lay on a beach reading a book side all comes out while traveling. Added bonus- your in a place where you know no one and this means you can truly let down your guard and be yourself. So falling in love in such an environment may mean that your falling for the true person and not any of the superficial layers you would meet under other circumstances. Is it the case?

And when it comes to the negatives of an overseas love affair I guess the obvious one is.. what do you do when the vacation is over? Is it possible to make it work? all these unanswered questions!

So is it as magical as it sounds? How do you navigate after? Is the heartbreak that may follow worth it? And does this side trek of love take you away from your travel experience or does it add to it?

So What do you think? Comment down below and let us know.. have you ever been in a situation like this, do you have a story of your own?

Until next time,

Safe travels.